My kids and I were outside together one evening when suddenly we heard the familiar jingle that told us that the box-shaped vehicle containing frozen treats was in our neighborhood for the first time of the year.
The kids were excited and were already describing which one they would soon choose and picturing themselves taking the first bite. There was all the potential in the world to have a fun-filled evening.
But one of the rules at the St Clair house is ‘no desserts on school nights.’ So, being the rule keeper that I am, I was determined to take that possibility and squash it like a bug on the top of the sidewalk.
I don’t say this lightly as I haven’t stopped thinking about it since it happened. And it has me asking several questions such as:
Why do rules really exist?
The purpose of rules is to protect people from being taken advantage of.
The thing to remember in that statement is that the purpose is to protect people. Not to protect the rule.
The ‘no dessert on school nights’ guideline was put in place to protect the peace of our home from the chaos that sugar rushes and crashes cause. But that night it was used to punish my kids who were understandably overrun with excitement.
It can be hard to know whether a rule is being used for protection or as punishment. So how do you know the difference?
Here are a couple of ideas that can help us filter:
If what you are most concerned about is the detailed following of the rule, you most likely aren’t putting a high emphasis on people.
If you spend more time justifying why the rule should be followed than thinking about how your relationship with the people involved is being affected, then there is a good chance the rule is being used to hurt, not help.
I would gladly take a do-over of the ice cream debacle. There was far more value to be had in making memories with my family than making sure that the letter of the law was followed.
You may be thinking, ‘How in the world could you be so uptight about something so little?’ And I would agree. But here’s the truth:
We all have written and unwritten rules that we believe need to be followed. And we sometimes foolishly inflict damage on our relationships to protect them.
According to the teachings of Jesus, if caring for people is not at the top of the list, any rule that we choose to enforce has lost its value.
This leads to another question:
Are the rules that we are holding to actually needed to protect others? Or have they been put in place to unnecessarily exercise control over people?
Rules are good. And they have value. But they are not more important than people.
What written or unwritten rules in your life are preventing you from having growing and thriving relationships with the people you love?
Are you willing to sacrifice the rule? Or is making sure it is strictly followed more valuable than damaging the relationship?
